The SEX talk is not something that should be done over one conversation - one night - or even one weekend. It is a discussion that should occur over a period of several years. There is a critical stage in a young girl's life when parents can most reach the tender heart of their daughter and create a strong foundation for her sexuality and how she relates to sex for the rest of her life. This starts as young as 7-8 yrs old.
Why So Early?
The Copycat Phase
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The Counseling Phase
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The Coaching Phase
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Ages
2-5 yrs old
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Ages
6-11 yrs old
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Ages
12-Adult
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Consequential Copying
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She sticks by your side. You are the “Almighty who knows
everything”
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She accepts your values and words without
question
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She wants to be like you.
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Considering Beliefs
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She wants to understand the “Why?” of
your values & beliefs
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She eagerly wants to do things with you.
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She forgives your faults easily
·
She’s a sponge and
captures/remembers everything
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Adjusting Beliefs
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She seeks out her own identity
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Wants to find her place in this world
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Starts to question if she’s been taught
the truth or a lie
·
Wants to feel “grown up” and researches
on her own through friends/teachers/ mentors/ internet
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The Tween Years are
the MOST CRITICAL phase for sexual values to be formed!!! This is the window of opportunity for you as her mom or dad to
instill qualities into your daughter beliefs & provide her tools she’ll need to rely on to get her
through her adolescent years.
If you wait until she’s 12 yrs old to tell her about her
period, you’ll have missed the beauty of telling her that God created women to
create life, and that’s WHY we value
womanhood. If you wait until she’s
13 yrs old to tell her about modesty, you’ll have missed the beauty of telling
her WHY her body is good and
beautiful and worthy of protecting until marriage. If you wait until she’s 14 yrs old to tell her about sex,
you’ll have missed the beauty of telling her WHY God created marriage to be a one man/one woman picture of his
love for us.
It’s not that you won’t be able to try to form her values
after she’s 13 yrs old, however, the world will have already issued her a
fairly strong answer to the “WHY’s” in her heart if you haven’t. Restructuring her value system after 13
yrs old is a lot more difficult than building it from the ground up.
We live a very active life and I don’t have time to spend one-on-one time with my daughter.
It takes a lot of time to answer the question “WHY”, but’s
it’s so important to invest this time. It can be the 20 min on her way to school every morning. It can be the last 20 min before she goes to bed. It can be the 20 min drive-thru run in-between school and athletic activities.
Parents who can’t take this
time now, will likely see their daughters spending this time with her friends
or other people who have given her that time as a tween. You will have lost the opportunity to
build a safe connection for her to retreat to when difficult teen decisions
will be made. She will know that
you are not available “even for 3-4 hrs a month” and will seek out others that
you may not approve of that are willing to give her that time.
I work with parents and have Mother/Daughter groups to help make this subject much more comfortable to be able to discuss and incorporate into their relationships with each other. It can be a fun and special topic that the 2 of you can share together in a special bond into her young adult years.
Written by Sandi Burchfield, MS, IMT-1129
Marriage & Family Therapist
clermontcounseling@gmail.com
Website: www.familylifecounselingcenter.com
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